Something I Can't Confess
by Ridley Poe Estoire
Summary: Someone new has been forced to worked in SVU.  No one likes her, least of all Casey.  But when things start to become chaotic, ADA Novak may have a shift in judgment, and some new secrets.  Secrets she is not ready or willing to share.   Femslash
1. Grief

She screamed.

Like an animal in the painful throes of death.

Syd pulled the woman's limp body into her lap, laying the woman's head against her chest. Rocking back and forth, Syd held her tight in her arms, her own tears streaming down her blood-splattered face into the woman's hair.

She had been Syd's lover but now she was only the vacant shell of a person. No longer Selene, just a ghost.

Syd sighed as she breathed deeply the lingering scent of Selene's hair. Her body ached but she refused to leave her lover's side. She would never leave her.

For hours, Syd clung to the lifeless form of Selene, even as the cold settled into her bones. Even when the police, DEA, EMSA and fire department arrived, Syd refused to be moved. Eventually, Selene's gentle form had to be pried from Syd's hold, inciting a grief-stricken rage within her.

Like a demon, she roared and lashed out at whomever stood too near. Before a handful of officers were able to subdue her, a woman was slashed across the face and a male officer was socked in the nose, blood pouring out.

Her angry tears ceased as a medic slid a syringe into her forearm. Her vision blurred then faded. As she faded from consciousness, Syd tried to focus on the voices around her but nothing made sense. Soon, all was silent and dark.


	2. Judgment

The cuffs pinched her skin and her wrists were rubbed raw. The shackles on her ankles stunted her movements. Her vision was blurred and she could barely focus. They had restrained and sedated her when she'd snapped, violently attacking anyone who approached her. As she was escorted into the Manhattan precinct her eyes gazed forward, defiance gleaming within them.

At first, no one noticed the escorts and Syd enter the SV unit. Soon, curiosity shifted everyone's attention in their direction. After all, the experience of seeing a DEA agent bound in cuffs was rather stupefying. Even Syd was slightly shocked to find herself restrained like a perp.

An elder man strode from an office and approached the strict-looking escorts. His slick bald head shone beneath the garish overheads and his white dress shirt was crisp with a slight tightness around his mid-section. He wore a thick dark tie and walked with the manner of a leader. In a moment of clarity, Syd noted to herself that this must be the boss man.

He proffered a hand to the lead escort, Ben Adams, a snide man with angular features. When Adams failed to respond in kind, he let his hand drop.

"Don Cragen, gentlemen. What does the DEA need in Manhattan?"

Adams responded in monotone, "May we discuss the issue privately?"

Cragen nodded in answer, turning back to his office.

Gesturing for the others to remain behind, Adams proceeded into the office, the door shutting behind him.

The two remaining men jostled Syd over to a vacant area out of the way, obviously making a show of placing themselves between her and the door. They weren't about to let her bolt again.

Nowhere to go, Syd observed the movement and conversations around her as well as she could. Business as usual had returned once Cragen and Adams had disappeared into the office. A few detectives lingered by a coffee pot, others scrambled around busily. Some stood at a marker board scouring evidence and the rest occupied desks, searching paperwork and typing up DD-5s.

They all seemed so content with their menial work when all Syd wanted to do was run. Tempted to dash, Syd glanced at her escorts, looking for a moment of weakness or inattentiveness. When one of the men turned to look at her, Syd quickly glanced away.

Her stomach fluttered momentarily when her eyes locked with two shining emerald pools set in a pale, porcelain visage. Then, she broke contact and glanced away in a moment of dizziness, her head drooping, eyes closed.

Exactly then, her moment came. One escort was distracted by a violent confrontation between a skel and an officer. Painfully snapping the cuffs over her head from behind her back, Syd flung her arms around the escort's throat.

A wave of nausea flooded her as the room spun before her eyes. As her legs nearly gave way, Syd tightened the chains of her cuffs around the escort's neck, attempting to remain upright. Her vision swam then darkened. In her arms, the man went unconscious, dragging Syd to the floor with his dead weight.

Syd managed to steady herself just a moment before dashing for the stairs. The shackles stunted her movement, her run more of an awkward skip. She slammed through the stair entrance, nearly tumbling down the first flight. Before she could even take the first stair, the unconscious darkness returned.

Casey Novak was certain nothing could shock her anymore, not since she had begun working for Special Victims. That was until the DEA showed up at the precinct with a fellow agent cuffed and shackled. Even that alone wasn't surprising. When the agent made a run for escape that was when Casey's jaw dropped. Everything went from normal to chaos in an instant.

Casey had barely glanced over when the escort and detainee had entered. Her attention was deeply seeded into the case she was discussing with Detectives Stabler and Tutuola. Liv and Munch were out canvassing a neighbor for witnesses or subsidiary evidence. Not until a loud commotion erupted did Casey even look back towards the door.

Her eyes momentarily met with the sapphire eyes of the detainee before she turned away to view the confrontation. For some unknown reason, Casey had to look back into those deep blue pools. They were so intense.

Her attention switched back to the detainee, who was no longer standing quietly. The chains of her cuffs dug tightly into an agent's throat. He struggled slightly before slumping unconscious, dragging his assailant down with him.

Awkwardly, the detainee moved from her spot, managing a clumsy skip-and-glide run. She bolted for the stairs. Casey could only watch in shock as events unfolded, Stabler and Tutuola taking chase after the fleeing woman.

When she heard someone yell to call a bus, Casey quickly made her way toward the stairs.

Stabler was knelt down checking for a pulse. The woman was crumpled on the ground, her position almost fetal.

Casey almost pitied her, lithe but unconscious on the floor. Only she couldn't quite feel anything after watching the woman take down a fellow officer.


	3. Run

Not but a few hours had passed before the story reached Casey. The DEA agent was on suspension and had been sent to Special Victims as a smack in the face.

Protocol had nothing to do with the situation. The higher bosses decided this agent was the definition of a special victim. She needed therapeutic insight.

ADA Novak considered her a waste of time and taxpayer dollars. Obviously, the agent was a criminal in all aspects.

She managed to become involved with a mob boss while undercover. And get her partner murdered. Not to mention probably a list of dirty secrets that hadn't been discovered yet.

Apparently, she had even tried to escape again when she came to on the ambulance.

In a day or two's time, SVU would be stuck with her. Casey loathed even just the idea. The attorney in her was quick to judgment.


	4. Disagreements

Casey Novak pushed open the double doors of the SVU office, entering into a chaos of ringing phones, flipping papers, working printers, and forceful voices. She never missed the chaos of the police department.

Det. Olivia Benson stood just outside Cragen's office, the door slightly ajar. Cragen stood just inside speaking to her through the opening.

Waiting patiently to speak with Olivia, Casey glanced around at all the chaos. Det. Elliot Stabler sat at his desk talking into his handset. Detectives Tutuola and Munch stood at the case board, debating the evidence of a particular case. A few officers stood at the coffee pot while others took statements at their desks. Along the far wall were two desks, one occupied by a male detective she barely knew and Syd.

Casey caught Olivia's attention as she walked away from Cragen's office.

"Who got the confession thrown out?" Casey forced through gritted teeth.

Olivia glanced across the room to the far wall. Olivia raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

Casey waited a minute before walking over, a disapproving mask upon her face.

A tall lean woman stood before her, ebony tresses short and windswept to the left. Her walk screamed confidence contradicted only by her quiet demeanor. Her ice-blue eyes held a pained intensity and her bee-stung lips were void of emotion. The woman had an androgynous look about her, almost mistakable for a male despite her alluring features.

Casey spoke first to break the silence.

"Do they forget in government training the basics of interrogation? The confession you obtained is inadmissible now because you procured it illegally! You broke the client's arm and fractured his face? Your first day and you are already destroying cases!"

"I don't want to be here!" Syd Kamen snapped. "Anymore than you want me to. So we are both just fucked. Deal with it."

Syd clinked her foot against her tracking anklet.

"Get the key, I will be more than ecstatic to leave."

"Another stunt like this, believe me, you will be gone. On the first bus to Rikers."

Casey flung the case file at Syd, then stormed from the precinct. Syd gave a frustrated sigh.

After a moment, Syd realized the unit was silent and everyone's eyes were glued in her direction.

"What the hell are you all staring at? Get back to work."


End file.
